The Good Son

Here's my latest column from today's SLO City News:

I have been thinking a lot about my friend Steve lately. We’ve known each other for a few years, usually getting together for lunch around town now and then and talking, mostly about our parents. Steve and I were among the fortunate few, fiftysomething guys whose parents were still alive—and still together. We were lucky. Hell, we were blessed.

Our parents all called southern California home. My folks, both 91 and born ten days apart, are living out their days in a Los Angeles nursing home. Steve’s dad turned 93 last year. His mom is 88, so, like a good son, Steve made regular trips to Palm Springs, spending whatever time he could with them, while he could.

Both of us had to learn over time to forgive our parents. And to be forgiven by them, especially for actions typically fueled by alcohol. Steve and I still shudder at those bad choices we made. But he found Jesus. I found Charlotte. We went from wild, rebellious young men to loving, dependable sons, fortunate to enjoy a second chance with our parents.

Steve’s work takes him around the country a lot, but he sometimes calls me from the road, just to check in. “How are your folks,” he wants to know, almost immediately after saying hello. “How’s your mom? How’s your dad?” We act as cheerleader for one another as we brace for the inevitable, reminding each other that we are good sons, that our parents mattered, and that we would be ready to say goodbye.

So when Gerald Ford passed away in December, and the nation began to mourn, I immediately thought of his family, and especially his son Steve and how my friend would cope with it all. I knew this would be an emotionally draining time for him, but I underestimated the glare of the TV camera, the intensity of the national spotlight.

If you or I lose a parent, friends and colleagues know to respect our privacy and give us needed space. But if your dad is a former U.S. president, well, privacy is tossed out the window as the grief spreads exponentially. Cameras pop up everywhere, recording every move, every emotion, splashing it all across newspapers and TV screens, dissected by network analysts and pundits.

So as Steve Ford made his way from San Luis Obispo to Palm Springs, onward to Washington, D.C. and finally to Michigan, the nation tagged along. For six straight days, I swear I could not pick up a paper, click on a Web site, or flip on the TV without seeing Steve. Los Angeles Times. Washington Post. C-SPAN. Yahoo. There he was, trying to hold it together. Being strong for his mom. Strong for his dad. Strong for his country.

Three separate church services. Arrival and departure ceremonies. Spending time in the Capitol Rotunda, greeting many of the 35,000 well-wishers who came to say goodbye to his dad. There he is on TV, helping President Bush escort a fragile Mrs. Ford from the National Cathedral. There he is, at the Michigan church service, standing at the pulpit, reading a passage from the Bible, his voice cracking with obvious emotion. There he is, sitting in the front pew, listening to the likes of Jimmy Carter, Tom Brokaw, and Henry Kissinger praise his father, somehow maintaining his composure.

Yes, I called and emailed my friend a few times during the week, offering my condolences and support. Surprisingly, Steve responded promptly each time, whether from Air Force One or Blair House. There was that familiar voice. “How’s your mom? How’s your dad?” he wanted to know. Even in one of the darkest moments of his life, here was Steve, trying to be encouraging about my family.

Forgive me if I keep the rest of our exchange private, but obviously Steve was overwhelmed by all the love and affection on display for his dad and he was looking forward to coming home to San Luis Obispo.

This much I will say. Rarely have I encountered a son who loved his father as much as Steve Ford. His heart must be shattered in a million tiny pieces. Yet he made this incredible journey in the media spotlight with grace, dignity, and courage. Unlike his dad, famous for the occasional misstep, this Ford didn’t stumble. Not once.

The People Say "No" to More U.S. Troops

OK, this is the dominant national issue as we await to hear from president Bush Wednesday night, making his case to escalate the war in Iraq. He speaks at 6 p.m. and we'll carry the speech live. Also, Thursday at 5:30, Dawn Legg and Chris Ahrend will respond to the speech.

Meanwhile, the U.S. public is already speaking up -- AND AGAINST Bush. They want the insanity to stop. Reports are that there are at least ten Repulbican senators also against the escalation.

WASHINGTON — President Bush will outline his "new way forward" in Iraq on Wednesday to a nation that overwhelmingly opposes sending more U.S. troops and is increasingly skeptical that the war can be won.
A USA TODAY/Gallup Poll taken Friday through Sunday shows a daunting sales job ahead for the White House, which is considering a plan to deploy up to 20,000 additional U.S. troops to Iraq.

Those surveyed oppose the idea of increased troop levels by 61%-36%. Approval of the job Bush is doing in Iraq has sunk to 26%, a record low.

Views of the war will be difficult to change with rhetoric alone, says Steven Kull, director of the Program on International Policy Attitudes at the University of Maryland. And if the public expresses strong opposition to Bush's plan, he says, Congress "may feel emboldened to exert what control they have to stop or at least make it more difficult for the president to move forward."

Among key findings:

•Nearly half of those surveyed say the United States can't achieve its goals in Iraq regardless of how many troops it sends. One in four say U.S. goals can be achieved only with an increase in troop numbers.

•Eight in 10 say the war has gone worse than the Bush administration expected. Of those people, 53% say Bush deserves "a great deal" of blame; 41% place a great deal of blame on Iraqi political leaders.

•By 72%-25%, Americans say Bush doesn't have a clear plan for handling the situation in Iraq. Congressional Democrats fare only a little better: 66%-25%.

Even so, Democrats take control of Congress amid a wave of good feeling. By 2-to-1, Americans say they want congressional Democrats, not Bush, to have more influence over the direction of the nation.

The president's overall job approval rating is 37%, up 2 percentage points from mid-December.

While Bush has often said his war strategy won't be based on polls, three of four Americans say the government's decisions on Iraq ought to be influenced at least a moderate amount by what the public wants.

Views on increased troop levels differ sharply by party. Even among Republicans, though, 30% oppose the idea; 67% support it. Independents are against it by nearly 2-to-1. Democrats oppose it, 85%-12%.

And there is a yawning gender gap: 69% of women oppose an increase, compared with 52% of men.

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So what do you think? Let's hash it out!

Pulling Back the Curtain

We officially kicked off the 16th season of Hometown Radio on Monday and let me take you behind the scenes of scheduling a show like ours.

With a four hour format, the most logical plan of attack is to do four major topics, one per hour. But I've learned over the years to keep it flexible and try to avoid too rigid a schedule. You also don't want to run four hours of "heavy phones" day after day so we try to mix up the pace a bit. So I always end up with some free time each show, either at the beginning, the end, or in the middle. You might hear Tom and I just shooting the breeze sometimes, usually because we've ended a segment early, or didn't get the calls we were expecting, or we just ended up with free time. One of the big challenges for me is to try and predict how long to keep a segment going, 30 minutes? An hour? Two hours? I tell you something -- it's a total crapshoot, folks. You just have to go with your gut.

Monday's show was an amazing example. We started off with Michael Lovejean to promote his annual Share the Dream concert for Martin Luther King Holiday. The woman who was supposed to join him got sick and cancelled. Michael put in a last minute phone call to Carlton Brown, begging him to come over. But Michael and I started right around 3:08 and it was your basic Who-What-When-Why interview -- I figured we'd be lucky to make it to 3:30. My next guest wasn't coming until
5:05. I had my jet lag topic standing by and already I was afraid I'd have to go to it early.

Then Carlton Brown came in the studio and took over the show. Amazing guy. An African-American, married to a white woman, living on the Central Coast since 1970. Suddenly the show took on a completely different dynamic and Carlton immediately started discussing his own perceptions of racism on the Central Coast, complete with different examples.

The listener response was immediate, and telling -- almost all the callers today were first time or rare callers. Many women. Many minorities. More stories dumped out. Then whites (and some Hispanics) calling in with disbelief. Suddenly it was 4 and I made the decision to drop jet lag and keep going with Carlton. $;05....4:15....4:30....the calls are rolling in and we're turning away people at 4:58. So here's a segment we're hoping lasts 30 minutes, easily becomes two hours.

So after the 5:05 discussion about tourism, Tom and I decided to take things down a notch, or two, and save the scheduled topics for another time. People ended up calling in about jet lag anyway --- sounds like another good topic.

But that's the key challenge of my job is picking the topic. Guest is important. Arguments are certainly important, but it really comes down to the topic. Pick the right subject and you can ride the calls for hours. There's no magic formula other than to follow your gut.

Check out the podcast and hear the emotions from those first two hours. We'll definitely have Carlton Brown back. Interesting guy.

We'll provide live coverage of Arnold's State of the State Speech Tuesday night around 5 as well as Bush's explanation as to why we have to escalate in Iraq on Wednesday at 6 p.m. Dawn Legg and Chris Ahrend will debate the Bush speech on Thursday.

Also, heard from Conservative Bob today and he'll join us in early February to celebrate Ronald Reagan's birthday.

Celebrating Our 15th Anniversary

Hometown Radio began 15 years ago today and I just want to thank everyone -- guests and callers -- who participated in our special show on Friday. True to form, we had something for everyone during those four hours: A dog up for adoption, John Lindsey, a classic visit from Miss Etiquette, political analysis from Cathy Boggs and Larry Martinez, a lovely musical tribute from Victoria Lowrie, Jerry Dagna being Jerry, and the closing songs from Bob & Wendy. I enjoyed every minute of it and this show was easily the best anniversary celebration we've done.

I also want to thank Ben Greenaway (I think) who came up with the idea to turn my original broadcast from January 7, 1992 into a podcast. Check it out at http://www.920kvec.com. We only have the first 45 minutes because the engineer forgot to flip the tape. By the way, the crappy opening music is George Winston. I cringe every time I hear that opening, but it keeps me humble and reminds me how far I've come in 15 years.

We had so many guests and so many calls on Friday that I wasn't able to say everything I had planned, but nor do I wish to belabor things. I just want everyone to know, whether you agree or disagree with me, that I am truly honored to have this job and that I honestly believe this is the job I was meant to have. Even though KVEC is up for sale, I believe Hometown Radio remains in good hands and I look forward to the next 15 years of serving the community. Thank you for listening, for supporting the show and for supporting this blog as an additional way of keeping the dialogue going.